The Human Element

PHOTO AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

I remember it from almost ten years ago when I heard for the first time about software projects aimed to replace cashiers at supermarkets. Even the people who worked on developing these systems had doubts. One of them told me "Can you imagine? We are working on systems that will replace thousands of people. Those people will loose their jobs and this is the work I am doing."

By now these systems are there, self-service desks became a part of our reality. Just as social media, robotization, artificial intelligence and robotic seal pets for the elderly at some advances parts of the world.

At the same time alternative trends started to arise: minimalism to spite consumerism, down-shifting, urban gardens, digital nomad communities and people leaving everything behind to travel the world.

On the surface politicians are playing a very simple game with us. The biggest question of world politics is still otherness and anti-immiration laws while behind our backs, above our heads there is a much bigger change going on. 

The definition of work is getting redifined and through it a much bigger question arises: what will happen to the big "useless masses" if a big part of the jobs will get replaced by robotization and artificial intelligence? How will our everyday look like if we have all the time in the world and are not needed as workforce? These might be question of thirty-forty years ahead but would it not be better to think together instead of letting these changes just happen to us without having a say?

Instead of letting politicians and religious fanatics turn us against each other may be we could start to think together what kind of a world we want to live in. And about what creates real value for us? To have bigger profits (what not we but shareholders of companies or others will use and store up) by subsituting human workforce to a sensless limit? Or people who have jobs and families with a bigger buying force? To save money by ignoring environmental standars but pollute the air, the waters, let animal and plant species go extinct? Or to live in a world with cleaner air and oceans, knowing what we eat and use around us in our households? To hate each other and think of the other as lesser of? Or to celebrate our differences and seeing diversity as our shared richness?

One of the best attributes of the human element is that we can stop, listen and go beyond the surface. We can connect the dots and shape our environment creatively based on what we learned and how we want it to look like. I have hope for the future even if there are many doubtful trends and tendencies. I believe in humanity and goodness even if some of the trends make real animals of us. As technology and artificial intelligence will keep dominating our lives more and more, it will be our soul and consciousness what will win or loose the battle. It is time to tune in more, to work inwards, to use our platforms even more effectively and fight for a world where humanity will be a winner in the end.

Fall magic

PHOTOS AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

Yesterday I went for a bike ride with my Mom because she wanted to show me this field full of autumn crocuses and gentians. Since not many people know the location of it it could stay untouched and remain in it's natural state.

Given: where have I been and some new photos

PHOTOS AND WRITING by MONIKA CSAPO

So many things have happened again..Throughout my trips I met new people and reconnected with some old friends. And sometimes I could not help to remember what my grandmother used to say about accepting what is given to you.

I remember we were at my cousin's wedding and an elder lady was talking to me in German and she really liked how hardworking I was at school and how well I spoke the language. So she wanted to give me some pocket money that I get something for myself during my stay. I did not really know how to react and told the story later to my grandma when he gave the advice above. That if someone wants to give you something you should be open to receive it.

Later during my life I learned that of course not everything what is given should be accepted but it is good to stay open also as an adult to something what is given with kindness and an open heart.

So is the case with new friendships and a acquintances. In times when I travel a lot I usually get to know quite many people because I like to stay at hostels and just talk with new people at art galleries, restaurants, local places..I get often surprised by the stories I hear and conclude to myself from time to time that everyone could benefit from some cultural exchange in the world of human libraries.

The stories I hear and the people I meet teach me about individuality and courage, the joy of life, overcoming obstacles, meaning..And sometimes when I tend to focus on what is missing in my life too much a new person appears and I have an inspiring exchange what makes me look for more fulfilling ways of living, where I can show more gratitude and prepare for the next stages of my life.

For accepting love I think you have to love yourself as well. Feel worthy of receiving care and attention. It is a very strong circle of healing what is gently bringing you back to life after periods of losses and setbacks. Where you slowly learn to value the positives just as much as the negatives.

In times of sadness and exhaustion it is easy to focus on what you don't have, what you lost, on the negatives in general. Then when you become a bit more open you can see that just as the missing, there are just as many things which are already given. People who care, talents and abilities, small victories of the everyday..

All of it is given if you learn to see and not just violently trying to move your life in one direction or to the other.

Speaking of given I realized that again I have hundreds (or thousands) of photographs and at least four complete trips what I have not written yet about. I want to share what I have seen and make other people want to see them possibly so I decided to make a sort of quick travel break until the end of the year and work with materials which are already given and accumulated during last 3-4 months.

Meanwhile I can tell that I have my eyes fixed on some new travel destinations already. For example Amman, the capital of Jordan, Faroer islands and possibly Tehran/Iran.

Timeless

WRITING AND PHOTO BY MONIKA CSAPO

I wish I could let go all of the half-done things. To continue free and empty, open for new things to come. With time there are so many untold goodbyes, undone closures. You jump from one state to other because it is natural: the instinct to survive makes you continue but you are never whole because there are always these unfinished lives running parallel to each other deep inside you.

I wish that we would have rituals to grieve and mourn death- natural and also the death of friendships and love. That it would not be required and rescpected to be strong and silent, that instant recoveries would not be celebrated.

With all the not properly ended closures after a while there is no space any more for functioning in a healthy way. I realize it in moments of good times on myself how much harm half-ass goodbyes and quick recoveries have done to me. I am happy and hopeful but still something weighs me down.

I need space in my life for new things to come. I want to use my energy to establish projects I believe in. I want to be free. I want to be capable of being fully myself.

There are things what are eternal. Family, the places you belong to, the core of your personality. But from time to time I think it would be beneficial to do a life meditation and look at all the areas. Like when using a body scrub rub off dead skin cells: non functioning friendships turned into acquaintances, old habits, reflexes what don't serve you any more, exes who want to keep you in the friend zone but are not real friends who you can count on. People who promise things but never keep them.

It does not have to be a brutal explosion. It can be a gentle act like when donating clothes: you can take the past and your past selves what you are not any more, fold them and send away to the universe. With social media in our face 24/7 we forget that it is ok to put down things. You don't have to carry what you are not any longer.

It is not unnatural, it is life. It is called closures and new beginnings. 

I want to take a big breath and feel again how it is to be fully happy. Without any pressure in my chest, without the anxiety of everything I couldn't say or did not have the heart to let go of. I believe in the space created through this process. I believe it will be as if when you open a curtain in a dark room and suddenly the sun shines through. "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become."-Carl Jung

The freedom of travelling

WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

I like to travel alone because it feels like a discovery. Noone knows me where I am going to and I go to places I haven't been yet therefore it is all unknown territory to me as well. Upon arrival all that new world is just pictures from the internet and some Tripadvisor reviews.

When I arrive nothing is exactly how I imagined. Some places are less majestic, others much bigger than I thought they would be but eitherways everything is somehow better in real life-even the dissapointments what turn to good stories later.

It is obvious in a way: you can not plan the random element beforehand what adds so much to every trip. Sitting in the sun on a bench after arriving in Jerusalem talking to some random local woman about the pleasant January sun while looking at passerby. Catching the sunset over Sinai while driving to the hotel from the airport. Drinking a freshly pressed pommegranade juice at Mechane Yehuda Market at a juice stand and tasting sahlab instead of the planned smoothie for lunch.

There is so much photographs can not tell and there are so many stories left untold after a good trip. Some of them might stay untold forever just because listening- as story telling- requires time. 

Some trips are very tight. Because of budgeting reasons there is x amount of days for a whole region and because I like to see as much as I can, I visit almost every day a new place. My brain can not really absorb what I see after some days but that is what the camera is good for- it can really conserve feelings. Last autumn when I visited São Miguel, I planned a whole day for Mosteiros to photograph the black sand beach with the rocks in front of it. I read technical articles about photographing waves, took my tripod with me..And then it started to rain shortly after arrival and it poured for almost two hours. Everything was different on that day than I planned and if it would have been some years ago I would have freaked out totally about my plans being destroyed. But then I escaped to the closest cafe - which had no lights on except of some neon picture frames and looked like a dark, red room from Pulp Fiction- where I met the three girls I got to know on the bus on the way there. We decided to wait a bit and the rain stopped. We went for a walk to the other side of the village, saw the ocean, the natural pools and the surrounding mountains in the warm lights of the golden hour and did even a short sightseeing at the local church opposite the bus stop. 

It was also in Jerusalem that I heard the muezzines for the first time in my life calling people for prayer. It was beautiful and different. It felt so that everything stopped for a sec- not because of fear- there was something unearthly and pure in those moments. At least to my ears which love everything connected to sound and music and have been trained for five years at the compulsory flute lessons twice a week during primary school.

Travel is teaching and learning. Nothing is really so as it seems from far away. I remember when I went for the first time to the supermarket in Ponta Delgada (capital of the Azores) in my Nordic-inspired leggings-black Nike- sports jacket food shopping outfit to the shop in the center. And had to note that just because we are in the middle of the Atlantic ocean and I happend to be a tourist people live a normal life here and everyone is dressed properly on the streets- besides me. There was Zara and Esprit and Mango, burger restaurants and the best of street art all around the city. It was the perfect mixture of historical buildings, Portugese architecture and modernity. I would have never imagined before that there is such a cool city in the middle of the ocean- not to speak about it that after the trip I realized that the distance is not that big from continental Europe at all. It is just the perception of something being close or far away what can be so misleading sometimes. Next time I might hop on a plane in Porto instead of London and I will better look for those good flights because I have been missing that place a lot lately.

It also belongs to the freedom of travelling that when you really want to see a place you make compromises. I took the bus or train sometimes instead of flying or flew to an other city and took a bus to my destination. Twice I spent the evening at the airport and when I decided that I want to get to know Copenhagen better after seeing the hotel prices I opted for staying at a hostel for two weeks. Through all of these choices I got to know new people from all around the world-some of them I am still in contact with. I would never choose one more coat or the newest phone over any exciting trip. It is just the different preferences people have. To me the chance of seeing something new, to discover what I have not known yet - or to go back and get to know even better what I liked so much at first sight- is what makes me feel alive. 

I am not sure if travelling is freedom itself or in order to be free you need to travel and get out of your usual environment from time to time. Eitherways I know that when I am on the road, moving constantly I realize how much can fit to a day. May be it is not be possible to live so intensely every day but I am thankful fore the intensity of life I can experience while being on the road.

World Village Festival 2018 Helsinki Recap

WRITING AND PHOTOS BY MONIKA CSAPO

My brother told me some time ago about a sci-fi novel he read where in the end thanks to an alien virus infection humanity turned to a much more empathic and tolerant species. And people continued to live as these more evolved life forms.

At the weekend of World Village Festival I felt these waves of tolerance of empathy many times and it did very good to my soul. It is funny to me that often people who are open and have the time to stop and listen what a person different than them has to say are labelled as "hippies". I wish it could be the norm that when we see an other Person we do not give them names already before they would open their mouth. 

Tolerance is not celebrating everything different than what you are without thinking and a hint of constructive criticism. It is simply curiosity, the wish to understand, the patience to listen and hear and not to label.

Sometimes I feel sorry for people who miss good books, music and conversations because they are willing to listen to people only who look a certain way, who dress a certain way, who are or aren't from a certain country or religion. No matter if we want to acknowledge it or not, it is a fact: we are all here together living on Earth at the same time. This is all us - even if some power games, politicians, groups benefitting from division want to make us think that it is we and them.

This year's main theme of the festival was Africa therefore many of the cultural programs and talks were connected to African countries while others to some local topics like What to expect of Finland's upcoming EU leadership, how Finland can play a role in accomplishing UN's AGENDA 2030 goals or Is it possible to imagine a Finland where is no poverty?

Let me introduce here my favorite scene of the festival: Taiga Secene/Lavaklubi (Finnish National Theater Club Scene). The talks and panel discussions here were of a very high quality throughout the whole festival. I have to say that I think it is really also a "Finnish thing"- in Finland you learn from small on how to lead proper conversations, how to use argumentations in a talk. How to defend your opinon but be also able to conversate openly with others who might disagree.

Among the panelists who participated in conversations there were some high profile guests like Ritva Reinikka, former director of World Bank, Tarja Halonen, former president of Finland or Kimmo Tiilikainen, current environmental minister of Finland. Thanks to the culture of Finnish modesty and equality all of them participated as one of several panelists and did not require any special treatment. 

During the weekend I ate Cambodian and African food, passed by some great street music performances, listened to Abou Diarra and was carried away by the fantastic closing concert of Dobet Gnahoré. I bought two small Nepali purses from the Finnish-Nepali association and gained some information on various topics just by walking around the tents behind Helsinki Railway Station.

The talks I liked the most were those which went into detail and offered specific information. I was inspired by listening to fellow economists and people from other professions who turned their knowledge and will to help into simple, effective solutions. For example to Ritva Reinikka who developed the concept of "service delivery indicators" to measure service delivery performance in the educational and health care sector in Africa. She pointed out an example when in Tansania after starting random visits to schools it turned out that many times teachers were not present at lectures when they were supposed to be. This was found to be the missing link between seemingly good educational participation statistics and high real life failure rate of students.

 After telling about the findings to the prime minister he decided to call on meetings with parliament where he presented the problem. Followingly new systems were applied where students could tell the school immediately through apps and mobile phones when teachers were missing. They also started to brainstorm  about teacher's training and tools of improvement in work motivation and financial compensation. Some years passed by and at the time of a new meeting the minister told Ritva Reinikka that student performance indicators has become much better since applying the recommended changes. This was a good example for it that sometimes critical thinking and wanting to face reality are much bigger help than financial help only. And that by identifying the real cause of failure you can transform whole systems relatively quickly.

Itohan Okundaye is an activist and former human trafficking victim from Nigeria. She talked about her life story and her new mission of wanting to help people to avoid to have the same fate she had. She told about how expensive it is to get a work or study visa to Europe and why some people choose to ask for help of smugglers to get to Europe for 40,000 euros. The smugglers are often acquintances and friends but in the viscious circle of human trafficking there is not much friendship to find. People have to work off the loan of the smuggling fee once they get to Europe which means often forced prostitution just as it was in her case in Italy. Living in a modern country it is easy to judge the choices of others but may be putting the judgement aside we can also see the other side: that in the streets of Rome or Oslo there are men paying for and using the forced services of these women. She also spoke about that often by the time the women pay off their loans they turn into traffickers themselves in the hope of quick money through an other victim. Therefore the circle really feeds itself.

Her new project is a cooperation with FinnWID where they provide education and entreprenurial education to a group of fifteen young women trying to give them tools for suceeding in everyday life and a chance to create businesses.

In the corporate accountability talks Salima Namusobya, Gerald Kankya and Riikka Thomson discussed about foreign investments in Uganda and how foreign investors should feel responsible in knowing what they support with their money. They voiced a concern which is also very logical from local point of view but not that often from the side of foreign money: if a company has high standards of human rights and environmental protection in his home base it would be globally beneficial if they could continue the same practices when they invest in Africa or in other places around the world.

And then came Dobet Gnahoré. First the artist interview then the closing concert of World Village Festival 2018 where she performed songs from her new album Miziki (Freedom). I have not seen people jumping and shouting during concerts in Finland very often- mostly we dance standing and moving shoulders and head slightly- but this was one of them. There was no need of translations of lyrics from the seven African languages she sings in, no need for having introductions before the songs. The message came so deep from her personality and life itself that she took everyone with her on a journey through Africa and around the world. Through her I saw my friends, love, struggle, life. I saw Africa as a proud, beautiful, highly intelligent, determinded woman and then she was also something higher, something common in all of us: the world.

The festival ended and I was starting to go home. I stored every moment in myself until next year. As one of the presenters said during one of the conversations "sadly racism seems to have awoken recently from its winter hibernation". Also I feel the hate and negativity in the everyday from time to time. But I also see places like this. Where we can gather and talk about culture, life, problems. Where there is free speech, peace, happiness, tolerance and acceptance. Not as something unique or hippie-ish but as a norm. 

I see the two poles and I am thinking that if there will be a division later I want to belong to this group and I hope that also the ones with knowledge and technology will join us. We can leave that part of the world who wants to live in hatred behind us and live in a better world. Where people can be who they are, where everyone is respected and listened to. Where there are no second class citizens, where peoople want to use their competence and given talent to solve problems. For a very long time I tried to convert others. Now I want to spend my time meaningfully and live a life of action. Where I do actively for the things I believe in, instead of fighting the ones I do not.

Below you can find a list of talks and programs I participated at Lavaklubki (pls feel free to google translate the linked descriptions):

- Grass-roots level public services in Africa

- From a victim of human trafficking to an activist with Itohan Okundaye (NIG/FIN)

- Finland without poverty?- Can it be possible?

- Building a just world with corporate accountability. With focus on Finnfund and its investments in Uganda

- A more sustainable and responsible Europe through Finland's EU presidency

- Artist Interview: Dobet Gnahoré (CIV/FRA)

- With own voice: women's right in religions (FIN/UGA)

- Three stories: Africa in the life of two-cultural families

✨ click on the pics to see them full size

AGENDA 2030 

What news do you want to read in 2030?

Finnish UN Peacekeepers 

Multilingual library bus for children

Kimmo Tiilikainen minister of the environment in a talk about Finland and Agenda 2030 goals

Dobet Gnahoré artist interview

Lavaklubi: African fashion show

Lavaklubi: Finland without poverty?-discussion
- Tarja Halonen, the former president of Finland participating

Lavaklubi: Itohan Okundaye from a former victim
of human trafficking to an activist

Lavaklubi: Africa in the life of two-cultural families

100 days of honesty: Body, soul, sadness and hope

WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

Source: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/songs-prove-lana-del-rey-underrated

It is funny to see how everything is connected in yourself while others see always only a fraction of the cause and effect webs. Sometimes I have the feeling that even if you tell everything what you feel and think there is a chance to be misunderstood. 

My journey with sports and intended lifestyle changes started when I was a teenager. Periods fluctuated between a classmate stating in the changing room that if she would have to pick the ideal body it would be the one I have. Then at an other time in an other period during highschool an other classmate stated that in my shape the good thing is that when I gain weight only my butt gets bigger but everything else stays almost the same.

Nowadays it a big fashion to talk about body positivity and fitness at the same time but what people often don't get that the body is also a reflection of the soul. And the issues connected to health and ideal weight are much more complex than just eating less or going more often to the gym.

I sometimes think about it how society claims women bodies to themselves. If you are a woman your body has to be something used also for esthetic entertainment. You almost need to feel sorry if you slip a bit and don't hit the bar for the time being and find a good method asap to correct the mistake and get back on track.

Also there is always a trend what twists normal proportions and wants you to deduct or add drastically to the original shape you would have. Some time ago it was fake boobs, now it is lip injections, nosejobs and butt implants.

I don't really care about the last part but I would like to live healthy and challenge my athletic potential because to me it is a form of thanking for the oppurtunity of being alive. There were times when I did it to impress others or wanting to be more accepted/liked but now luckily I could leave that part behind. Wanting to change is always a limbo between the plus and minus sides. Sometimes you feel strong and full of will power. Other times -also thanks  to a chain of outside events- you don't have any motivation to carry on and everything is on hold for weeks or months.

One thing what I learned during the process of the last year was that fallbacks are ok. Fighting for change is not a victory run, more like a silent struggle. In trying to take control over my health and my athletic performance I also try to become mentally stronger and happier. Also to cut unneccesary links which is sometimes super hard. Comments even from behind your back get back to you and disturb your peace and concentration. When someone says things like "your transformation is very visible and you can still go on and loose more weight" they don't know about the times of your life when you had eating disorders just in order to make yourself smaller. When you obsessively wanted loose the "unwanted" parts of yourself in order not to be "too much". They don't know that such comments are not a compliment. They rather make you feel to look at your body as something what needs correction and is constantly in a state of  "not there yet". 

And while you also know that you have a goal what you want to reach, no one else has a right to comment on your journey besides yourself. Because they are not the ones who have spent hundreds of hours at the gym, who were researching healthy food recipes. Who have been spending endless hours on mental self-coaching and trying to bring back hope after periods of loss, self-doubt and sadness.

This all is not just about the body, it is also about the mind. That you admit that although a healthier lifestyle can not surely fix everythig, it still brings many positive changes and victories and more energy to the everyday. So you pack your gym bag, get on your bike and go to the gym. Do that training three-four times a week. Go to the sauna, read books, nurture friendships and appreciate the things you have in your life instead of the ones you don't have (yet).

Some tips to manage tasks

WRITING AND PHOTOS BY MONIKA CSAPO

"Being busy isn't the same as being effective."

This week I watched two very useful courses about time management on Skillshare. One was made by the founder of Skillshare and is called "Productivity: Create Your Ideal Week". The other was made by Taylor Conophy and the tite is: "Organizing Your Life: Time Management".

Each of us have their strenghts and weaknesses. I am for example usually very creative when it comes to new ideas but am not so effective when it comes to realizing them. Therefore courses which help you to get more disciplined and productive are always welcome!

Some insights I wrote down while listening to the courses were:

1. Start small. Simplicity + Consistency = Productivity

2. Blocked Time and Calendaring

Find out when you are most effective throughout the day. Reserve these hours as blocked time for focused work every day. Log out from all apps and tell also others that you want to focus and will not be available during this time.

3. The Rule of 3
Set three priorities for the week, three priorities (tasks) for the day and three wins for the week. Start on Monday with sketching a weekly plan based on this method what you will review on Friday.

4. Organize your daily to-do list by effort size.

5. Coordinating with others.
Make others understand what type of goals you want to achieve and let them know how they can help you.

6. Context- switching: multi tasking isn't effective. 

Why are you switching context? Are you bored? Is your computer loading too slow? (emptying some space will help). Try to find solutions to eliminate your distractions.

7. Bookmarking
To prevent context-switching you can bookmark interesting articles for reading later. For example you can spend your Saturday morning or the evenings with following up on those articles.

8. Emails

Check-in frequency (every 1/2/4 hours), use pause-apps if you do not want to be disturbed for a while.

9. Keeping track of new habits.
Habit Bull is a great app for tracking your success with new habits. It is free for up to tracking five habits. You can mark each succesful day in your app calendar and see your progress in a visual format.

10. Breaking The Rules
It is ok breaking the rules. Recharge if needed, go for a walk if you need some fresh air. Sometimes keeping distance helps to figure out problems faster. Living a heatlhy lifestyle helps to stay focused (sleep well, drink enough water, exercise, relax mentally every day..)

I also bought three notebooks each for different tasks. In one I am keeping a food diary, in the second I write my notes of Skillshare courses and the third is a diary for my flower photography. 

One of the photos I took of my new notebooks got even reposted on Pigna's official instagram page. I was so happy!  If you want your work to be seen and shared I can recommend you to use tagging because sometimes companies, restaurants, hotels and hostels and general tourist sights really do check their tags on social media actively.

#100 days of honesty Day 100: Life

PHOTO AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

I think a big portion of happiness comes from realizing who you are, acknowleding it and acting accordingly. Now as I am writing it I am listening to Chopin Nocturne op. 9. Nr 2. which is one of my favorite nocturnes from him.I used to listen to classical music much more often some years ago and now this little classical music listening session of mine reminded me that I should do it more often again.

Earlier this afternoon I was in the mood of listening to Cardi B- whom I liked long time before she became this famous, not that it would matter hehe.

I am not good at writing summaries so I will just list some things here from the last hundred days. I realized for example that one of the biggest source of my distress has been that I was looking "more outward than inward" (Carl Gustav Jung). Instead of doing it I want to be more happy for what I have and simply be more active in my free time. Too much unused energy just leads to distress and stupid thoughts.

These are small things but I have been drinking more water and bought a yearly card to my favorite botanical garden what I wanted to do since a long time but never did. I think I am also going to buy the yearly card to Kunsthistorisches Museum in Vienna. I became more strict but flexible with my gym routine: I am going three-four times a week but it is ok if I skip a day I planned to go on and go on an other day instead. The main goal is that I go at least three but better four times a week.

In photography I developed new photo sorting and editing practices. Some of the methods I stole from photography magazines. One was for example that a photographer said that he is spending max. 15 minutes on editing a picture. If he is not done with it in this time it is not worth to work on it more because he takes many photos and he wants to edit effectively.

Also with sorting I am faster now. If I don't like a photo I delete it and don't cling to it just because I took it or because it is a memory from somewhere. And I do not store fifteen versions of the same photo on my phone haha.

I decided that I will keep these short reflections #100daysofhonesty-coloumns but will write in a once a week once every two weeks format about probably one topic which has been on my mind in particular. Meanwhile I will start again publishing photos and writing travel journals. May be in a more loose format sometimes as if I would tell about my trips to a friend- but this I leave open, I want to have joy in what I am doing and not plan too much forcefully ahead.

I think as you become an adult there comes times when certain greyness sneeks into the everyday. Everything is a bit like being covered by a strange dust. Everyone is talking about children, jobs, flats- which is ok but it would be nice still talking also about movies, books or love or wishes or dreams. 

There can and should be a joy in the everyday what we can not expect to be handed over by others. Probably it is something what we can make for ourselves consciously by appreciating little things and working a lot to reach bigger goals. I decided to read Louise L. Hay's You Can Heal Your Heart until the end during spring and simply think less and act more fiercly and energetically.

Also my flat got prettier and many things got fulfilled from my famous lists.

I can recommend journaling to everyone who feels a bit stuck or want to see clearer where the problem points in her life and acting might be. There is no overall forever solution in life, and mostly these phases go in circles. But when it is a more chaotic phase again strictly speaking about it more openly helps a lot in getting through it and finding solutions. I do not except that tomorrow I will wake up and everything will take a 180 degrees turn. But now I have my notes and some of my thoughts what will surely help a bit if I would feel stuck again. 

Good night and let us have a nice spring!

#100 days of honesty Day 99: Purpose

PHOTO AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."- Joseph Addison

Life is really so funny. I looked at the calendar and realized that tomorrow the 100 days will be over. 

And exactly tomorrow is a bit of dark humor day for me because we had also our anniversary with one of my former partners exactly on this day. I always dispised Valentines day so it was already funny to have an anniversary then. But having a former anniversary on Valentines day what you do not like anyways just adds to the irony-factor of it.

Then I realized that tomorrow my 100th day will be also exactly on this day- which is a big coinsidence since I did not count the days when I started this  mini project of mine.

May be again this teaches me about life and makes me realize that although the past was filled with many good and not so good moments I have the right to pick what I want to take with me from it and be every day just who I want to be apart from what has happened earlier.

During last year I had amazing journeys. To Israel, to Madrid, Toledo, the Azores. I was in Florence watching the sunset with my Dad and my brother. I did my couple of times a year visits to Hanko, Suomenlinna and I discovered Vallisaari. I want to stop for a moment tomorrow and rather instead of thinking- even in a funny way- of the past just to reflect on my life now a bit.

To have a day when I do what I like, when I am active, when I can be truly happy and think about ways to maintain this state. It will be a day for me and about me filled with good things. as a gift from myself to myself for trying to fix stuff and do something good and to improve. Even when there is not every time someone standing next to me cheering, even if I doubt myself too so often :)

#100 days of honesty Day 98: On other days

I came back to the flat thinking how I will exchange the new lamps with others and have bought some new stuff at Jysk as well. I slept even a bit bad because of this all.

Then I stepped in, my friends visiting me were not at home at that time. I looked around, the sun was shining and everything seemed so pretty. My friends changed small things during their stay like pushing the table more closer to the balcony door or leaving a cushion on the sofa what I have stored usually in the closet. Or not organizing the shower gels in parallel lines in the bathroom..All this spontanity brought a new dinamic to the spaces and when I put my new poster on the wall in the bedroom everything seemed to harmonize so nicely again.

May be it is really so that our eyes and minds just need some time to accostume to changes. And also a little spontaneous chaos brings much more life and beauty to our living spaces than forceful strict order.

Yesterday inspired by this wave of positive change I went to Ikea and bought the new black Hay-Ikea table I caught an eye on already during my previous visit. I also bought a bigger white flower pot for one of my cactuses. Then I ended up putting four other plants next to the cactusto the same flower put making a little cacatus-succulent garden of them. I noticed lately that succulent plants placed next to each other in form of mini gardens look even so much better than when they are placed individually into separate pots.

I was not taking photos last week because I felt so that I needed time for myself. This week I might brush up some of my plans again and take some pics. I am reading three different books right now, collecting inspiration from different sources. 

#100 days of honesty Day 97: Love

PHOTO ANd WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

I was doing a "seinding heart energy to someone you love" meditation tonight after taking a hot bath and right in the moment when I was thinking of a person I got a message from him. It was a beautiful moment. After this I did another guided meditation on love and within then minutes I got a message from both of my parents and one of my beast friends.

We have talked about it many times with my friends that they and me as well have experienced that when right the moment they thought of someone they received a message from them.

During the heart energy meditation there was a part when you had to think of the feeling of love through someone or a pet. I thought of my grandma first and then of Seppo (my late rabbit). It made me smile to recall all those loveful moment we shared. Sometimes when I think of Seppo and close my eyes I can recall the feeling how I was cuddling him. I am so thankful that I could feel this kind of love in my life what connects pet owners with their pets.

There was one moment during the meditation when the face of my friend who passed away 2016 summer appeared in front of me and I had a thought about putting her photo on my wall so that she can always be around me. Which is weird because I do not have any photos of friends, family members or friends in my flat. 

I am not sure how love can be translated to physichs and the laws of energy but in my heart I feel so that love is really an energy not just a word or a custom or some kind of twisted power play.

#100 days of honesty Day 96: Starting flu

I have been having a milder flu. It started Friday afternoon and has been going on since then. Probably a good foam bath, some sleep and a lot of ginger tee will help.

#100 days of honesty Day 95: Defiance

PHOTO AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

Or sisu, eitherways. When something like yesterday happens I realize in myself a power what I like and what I would say is something I am the most thankful to be like for. When things don't go my way, when there is something bad happening - something real bad not just like some stupid lamps- I get usually quite sad first. Then after a while there is this power of defiance arising in me what tries to correct the situation and make things even better as they were before they went wrong. 

Most of the good things in my life were a consequence of this defiance. And most of the people I feel the closest to have this power in themselves as well. 

I respect people like my Dad or some of my friends and acquintances who have built a company or fulfilled a project from scratch. I look up to their strength and endurance. It takes a lot of mental power to establish something. To create a company where you can employ people. Or to be and employee and  make a life for yourself where you can be proud of the way you live and be happy when you wake up in the morning.

I have been thinking about it that I have started and gave up on so many things but photography is something I have been holding on for years now. The lack of mentors and teachers is something I still feel like I have to correct but I have gotten a lot of new inspiration recently which helped to shape my way of visual communication. If you are interested you cna have a look at my latest photos here: https://www.instagram.com/monikacsapo/

Something I am becoming more and more aware of is the fact that there is no time to waste. May be that is why failures feel so bad too because every failure seems like time wasted from something what could have been better than it turned out to be in the end. But not taking risks at all, not doing anything just floating frozen in the safe zone is a waste of time too.

It felt so good when Dad told me once just out of nowhere that he likes a lot in me that when something does not happen first time I go and try again and will do it the second time until I succeed. I feel so that I let go of myself because I was not strong enough and I was not where I was supposed to be. But I also feel like that that eveything what made me weak then helps me to be stonger now. 

There is still a lof of space for improvement and for realizing ideas. But now there is also a lot of work behind the wanting and real methods and thinking of how to reach those goals.

#100 days of honesty Day 94: Everyday wisdom

If you don't have anyone in your family who is good at home renovation you might miss one important step when changing lamps: there will be holes in the ceiling after they take off the old lamp.

Yeeyee I had to learn it on my own expense yesterday. Even better: I don't even like the new lamps that much! To be more precise as soon as I find something really good I will donate them and change them asap.

Ah life..Sometimes striving for something better ends up at getting to somewhere a bit worse. But thanks to my new self coaching methods I could get over this in one day now and not one week. I love beautiful spaces and I want to have them in my surroundings too. For some people it is the price tag or the brand what matters to me it is the overall visual landscape.

It took me one year to decide for the lamps and now I thought it will be a good occasion that I have some friends visiting. Then I ended up with holes in the ceiling four hours before they arrived. I had to google a paint shop quickly and buy that material what you can use for fixing holes. And the white paint to to paint it over. But I got ready by the time they arived. It makes me a laugh now to think about this episode. Life is full fo the law of Murphy!