#100 days of honesty Day 95: Defiance

PHOTO AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

Or sisu, eitherways. When something like yesterday happens I realize in myself a power what I like and what I would say is something I am the most thankful to be like for. When things don't go my way, when there is something bad happening - something real bad not just like some stupid lamps- I get usually quite sad first. Then after a while there is this power of defiance arising in me what tries to correct the situation and make things even better as they were before they went wrong. 

Most of the good things in my life were a consequence of this defiance. And most of the people I feel the closest to have this power in themselves as well. 

I respect people like my Dad or some of my friends and acquintances who have built a company or fulfilled a project from scratch. I look up to their strength and endurance. It takes a lot of mental power to establish something. To create a company where you can employ people. Or to be and employee and  make a life for yourself where you can be proud of the way you live and be happy when you wake up in the morning.

I have been thinking about it that I have started and gave up on so many things but photography is something I have been holding on for years now. The lack of mentors and teachers is something I still feel like I have to correct but I have gotten a lot of new inspiration recently which helped to shape my way of visual communication. If you are interested you cna have a look at my latest photos here: https://www.instagram.com/monikacsapo/

Something I am becoming more and more aware of is the fact that there is no time to waste. May be that is why failures feel so bad too because every failure seems like time wasted from something what could have been better than it turned out to be in the end. But not taking risks at all, not doing anything just floating frozen in the safe zone is a waste of time too.

It felt so good when Dad told me once just out of nowhere that he likes a lot in me that when something does not happen first time I go and try again and will do it the second time until I succeed. I feel so that I let go of myself because I was not strong enough and I was not where I was supposed to be. But I also feel like that that eveything what made me weak then helps me to be stonger now. 

There is still a lof of space for improvement and for realizing ideas. But now there is also a lot of work behind the wanting and real methods and thinking of how to reach those goals.