Wednesday, May 2, 2018

100 days of honesty: Body, soul, sadness and hope



It is funny to see how everything is connected in yourself while others see always only a fraction of the cause and effect webs. Sometimes I have the feeling that even if you tell everything what you feel and think there is a chance to be misunderstood. 

My journey with sports and intended lifestyle changes started when I was a teenager. Periods fluctuated between a classmate stating in the changing room that if she would have to pick the ideal body it would be the one I have. Then at an other time in an other period during highschool an other classmate stated that in my shape the good thing is that when I gain weight only my butt gets bigger but everything else stays almost the same.

Nowadays it a big fashion to talk about body positivity and fitness at the same time but what people often don't get that the body is also a reflection of the soul. And the issues connected to health and ideal weight are much more complex than just eating less or going more often to the gym.

I sometimes think about it how society claims women bodies to themselves. If you are a woman your body has to be something used also for esthetic entertainment. You almost need to feel sorry if you slip a bit and don't hit the bar for the time being and find a good method asap to correct the mistake and get back on track.

Also there is always a trend what twists normal proportions and wants you to deduct or add drastically to the original shape you would have. Some time ago it was fake boobs, now it is lip injections, nosejobs and butt implants.

I don't really care about the last part but I would like to live healthy and challenge my athletic potential because to me it is a form of thanking for the oppurtunity of being alive. There were times when I did it to impress others or wanting to be more accepted/liked but now luckily I could leave that part behind. Wanting to change is always a limbo between the plus and minus sides. Sometimes you feel strong and full of will power. Other times -also thanks  to a chain of outside events- you don't have any motivation to carry on and everything is on hold for weeks or months.

One thing what I learned during the process of the last year was that fallbacks are ok. Fighting for change is not a victory run, more like a silent struggle. In trying to take control over my health and my athletic performance I also try to become mentally stronger and happier. Also to cut unneccesary links which is sometimes super hard. Comments even from behind your back get back to you and disturb your peace and concentration. When someone says things like "your transformation is very visible and you can still go on and loose more weight" they don't know about the times of your life when you had eating disorders just in order to make yourself smaller. When you obsessively wanted loose the "unwanted" parts of yourself in order not to be "too much". They don't know that such comments are not a compliment. They rather make you feel to look at your body as something what needs correction and is constantly in a state of  "not there yet". 

And while you also know that you have a goal what you want to reach, no one else has a right to comment on your journey besides yourself. Because they are not the ones who have spent hundreds of hours at the gym, who were researching healthy food recipes. Who have been spending endless hours on mental self-coaching and trying to bring back hope after periods of loss, self-doubt and sadness.

This all is not just about the body, it is also about the mind. That you admit that although a healthier lifestyle can not surely fix everythig, it still brings many positive changes and victories and more energy to the everyday. So you pack your gym bag, get on your bike and go to the gym. Do that training three-four times a week. Go to the sauna, read books, nurture friendships and appreciate the things you have in your life instead of the ones you don't have (yet).

Monday, April 9, 2018

Spring energies. Photos from a hike in Bakony