Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Moving out, moving on.

It is 6:28 am, I am awake since almost one hour. Right after I woke up, I continued my list what I started last evening. I am moving out and I do not want to take anything with me what I do not like any more. I had enough of compromises and must-to-dos for a long time. My list is quite ok. I open the closets, and it is easy to decide. I do not have too much stuff, but what I have, I mostly like too.

Suddenly all starts to feel so heavy.. But these are not the tears of sadness, but more the tears of relief. I can leave now, move on, start something new and fresh.

It is hard to let go, when you were raised to win and hold on. In many situations it is the key to success to fight for something we believe in, but it can be as much destructive when it does not let you step out and give up.  And this strive to "fight just the sake of not giving up" continues until you do not totally over-exhaust yourself and you become drained and empty. 

May be I did not want to leave yet before, because I wanted to "clean" this place first before I go. And admit and forgive to myself that I did not get here what I came for, and I just stayed and stayed. Or partly I did, but then I also got this heavy reality check which destroyed my innocence, my belief in people and life for a while. What followed was a new me, new pieces of furniture and two flatmates. One of them an absolute inspiration and a very good friend in time of transition, the other one someone who put me on the test all the time and thought me patience written with capital letters. Eventually I met many new people, I gained trust and what I am most happy for, the innocence and joy of life is there in me again. Thanks to myself, and thanks to the amazing people I met.

What I learnt from all of this is that you have to know when it is time to give up, step out and move on. Under the ruins there is something new being born already much before you see it. But it only gets a chance to fulfill itself, when you leave the old scene behind first. With all its outdated energies, and the places your eyes are too much used to already.

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