Friday, September 27, 2013

It will go away


Good morning. I wake up and the day starts slow. I try to be positive, but something drags me back. A thought of a not so late happiness crosses my mind. The laughter, the feeling, the good talks.

I think about why I can not be different? Like other "normal" people. Who know how to behave, what to say. Who feel when it is too much in a fight, can stop for a while that the other person can win some space and go after them. Who can see the big picture and do not get lost in the details.

I try to think of it, that being who I am also helped me to get to places others were not able to get to. To experience situations which are unique and special. But I also lost a friend now with all this what happened and with being aware of all the common senses, that "life will move on and I will feel better soon" this empty place in me hurts now.
Of course I try to let it pass, of course it might be much better soon... 

I think about my hesitation. How hard it still is for me to let people close to me. How good it is that I have photography that there is a world where I can withdraw sometimes. I say to myself that at least I tried, and I am more brave nowadays and do not run away from situations which scare me at first.

I wonder what this lesson came to teach me. That I should be more calm? Or more self confident? That also when I am not alone any more in my own world, I should still believe in myself and my own values? 
I don`t really know right now. The shock of this mixture of the sudden good and bad numbs me and I can not really think of any big wisdom here. Yes, it is bad now. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But as every good and bad, also this will go away.
I remembered what the woman said to me when I got my ear piercing this week: "Just do not forget to breathe".

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