Monday, September 3, 2012


I looked at my life and had to realize: I have so much, though I feel so bad quite often. I could have everything to be happy: health, family, nice friends, good music, some savings, a pet...I should learn to capitalize my assets in life much better.

I have felt so sad because of others so many times. Actually I did it to myself, I gave too much power to people to whom I should not have and their behaviour towards myself made me sad.

I really liked this quote from Bulgakov`s The Master and Margarita what I discovered this morning:

 “You should never ask anyone for anything. Never- and especially from those who are more powerful than yourself.”

I think in order to be happy and stable people should have some things only for themselves. Like their hobbies or something they are passionate about. Like photography for me. To leave it untouched, do it for yourself. Not let others to misuse this in order to get close to you too quickly.

I always wondered how quickly some people started to like me. After some random encounters they praised me and showed great passion, then they dropped off somewhere in the road. I do not need this. I want that my friends, dates, future boyfriend know who I am and they love that person and support me how I am and not just fall in and out of the encounters with me.

i kind of start to see how important role power plays in life. Not the power to manipulate others, because even though you are good in manipulating or lying in the short run, it makes you a miserable person in the long run and you do not win anything with it. You are lonely and live a scyzophrenic life where you change your masks always fitted to the person who you meet in that exact moment.

No, real power is like standing in the middle of a great storm (life) where anything can come accross and still have a very strong balance within. No matter if one or hundred people like you, no matter if someone loves you or not, no matter what happens you can stop, forget and embrace the things what you have. Not the ones what you do not and may be should not have at all.

I want to practice this more. Look to the mirror and feel content. Because yes, there is so many things what I do not and may be will not ever have. There is people who are disappointing me, sudden turns in behaviors of people who I let close to me which hurt me. But behind all of this there is one thing always: myself with all its good and bad sides and the things what I can be thankful for even today.

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