PHOTOS AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO
I know what "nothing" means, and keep on playing."
- Joan Didion, Play as It Lays
As many of you would have guessed from a post before I went on holidays I sadly lost a good friend recently. There comes a point in life when you can not show your love to a person any more in any other way just by carrying on doing the things she/he supported you in and continue fighting for the values you both believed in. At some point the sadness turns to a realization that something is eternally lost and you can not do anything else than to move on. Not to think of what this nothing means and continue living.
During the holidays I dusted off my camera and went for smaller day trips. I continued my balcony gardening, exercised and went running, read books- just as I planned before. The line between slipping back to sadness and forcing myself to move was very thin. I started to do sports again in first line just to get a bit of endorphin to my system.
It was mostly small things what made me happy: drinking some good coffee, eating ice cream, enjoying the sun, being able to run always a bit more than the time before. I also rediscovered my love for beautiful flowers. Nowadays I tend to buy again each week some new flowers to the the flat and put some nice table clothes to the living room table what fits the vase the flowers are in. It is a small thing but it brings new energy and life to any space.
The absolute highlight of the last weeks was the wedding of my close friend couple of days ago in Germany. It was a very personal and intimate occasion which restored my faith in social events a bit. Now I am back from holidays with some (hopefully good) photos and stories from here and there. So there is nothing left than getting back to work, continue writing, continue studying and continue trying to make the best of it.