When I was 20 or 21 I had a quite hidden, but obvious eating disorder. I never ate after 4 pm, because I read somewhere that eating after 6 pm or 7 pm is not so healthy any more, so I wanted to do even better. When it was 4:02 pm I did not eat any more, I waited until the next morning.
In the morning I always ate only half or less than that what I intended to eat. I drunk approx 6-7 l of water a day. When I went to the shower, I stood in front of the mirror and checked the bones showing more and more. because I was so proud of it.
People praised the weight loss, although one friend of mine told me later that I looked like someone from Auschwitz that time. But she did not say it to me then either.
No one knew or wanted to remember that I have always been a person who when she works out has a nice athletic body, when she keeps a diet looks healthy/sporty, but was never the very very skinny person. They just believed, that all the changes are happening naturally. Because that is how people are: they want to believe in miracles.
Why do I tell this? I often remember those times, and think about it as an example how important is to communicate to the outside world what we feel, and not want to hide our limits just to make others respect us.
Discipline is a tricky road. As any other thing in life the middle way is the key word. Every challenge is fun until it is not destroying the person taking part in it. Until the price of victory is not equaling to the temporary death of everything else in the person`s life.
To keep up friendships, a relationship, a job, a certain style of living, a certain look..The energy we put in it, and the energy it takes from us should be in a healthy balance.
Nowadays I prefer to go to the gym. And I also learnt how to end things which do not work. And I learnt to have the courage to say the sentence "I don`t want this", even if I am the only one in a crowd saying this sentence, when that thing what others want to do does not feel good FOR ME.
Our heart always knows the limit, even if we set up, or follow crazy rules in order to fit in, or try to reach some irrealistic goals.