Wednesday, November 27, 2013

About storms in general

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.” 
― Haruki MurakamiKafka on the Shore

In my case at this point there are no bigger storms going on. Besides the normal everyday trouble of course.. A broken window, searching for a new flat..not hearing the alarm clock in the morning and oversleeping..

I am doing lots of things at the same time nowadays. I really started to make the Florence-plan now. As far as I saw the main sights are pretty close to each other, so I might manage to see many of them during my stay. I found really nice blogs rating cafes and restaurants in Florence. They were documenting the dishes with photos...I have to walk a lot if I will try all those nice dishes during my stay!!

I haven`t been taking photos since couple of days lately, but it is ok for me. Sometimes I need to rest and not to think about it what should I take photos of. I feel anyways that I reached a turning point again. I can use the camera well already in certain situations, but to get to the next level I have to be more conscious about photo location, models, make up, lighting in order to express my thoughts better through photography.

I don`t want to feel like that that any part of my life is a struggle. And I don`t want to do certain things to please others. It is dangerous also with the photography if one has the feeling that he has to "deliver" certain amount of photos a week, or follow a certain style. 

 Most of the frustration about photography is connected to this part in me when I am fed up with things. Then I make a break, new ideas arise, and when I feel like taking photos again, I continue.

Thanks god nowadays these are the biggest crises in my life, and I am very thankful for it.

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