Sunday, September 16, 2012

The house, the kid, the dog

Good morning, or good evening. The title of the post might sound provocative, but my intention is not, promise. I just had to think about this issue again...

I mean, I was unnormal, then normal, then I am "myself" again and I just always keep on thinking about  life and things going on. What other people do and what I do, and I just had the urge to write this post now. I remember myself 16, we were sitting in a cafe with my friend and she told me how it all works with guys. You look there, you look away. You smile, you look away again, then you wait. And they will come there and start a conversation and things will follow. I did not believe so, but actually it really worked.. I remember washing my teeth after that slimy kiss as well...

Now when I am an adult person I can admit that I believed in so many things so far. I believed in talking and discussing, being silent, being proactive and passive, waiting, sharing, giving, accepting etc. And as a conclusion I just had to come up with a statement that normal best practices just really do not work for me.

How much I wish I could be the person with the kid, house, dog-combination anf how much fun and reilief it is to me to say that probably I am never going to be that person, or not in a way how people might imagine it.

Society takes these kind of statements as an open provocation, they kind of wait you to answer the question that "okei, if you do not want to do what everyone else does what is the better way to do it then???'. People get offended if you say that their way is not your way, even though you do not mean to offend them at all. What is my answer to the question? I do not know it myself and I am very sorry (:p) to say so.

I can just quote one of my favorite woman thinkers, Kelly Cutrone, who said that between the age of 25 and 32 you should give birth in first line to yourself. Find out what you are about, what the world has to offer to you, what is the best way to take it and how can you capitalize your talents the most.

I am not a feminist or a single-spokeswoman, I have been in relationships constantly the last 7.5 years of my life, but now I am "on the market" again and I just really really feel that some things are so dull to follow that I can not even pretend to like them, even though I know that they could take me so far. I could date nice people and I could be the perfect candidate again, but arghhh I just can not do it any more/again. I do not want to listen to family stories, relationship histories, hobbies, sicknesses, desires, wishes, motivation etc. I just can not.

We people think that we are so unique, but actually we are so much the same and boring, patterns repeating, problems popping up in the same way and it is sooooo frustrating to listen to the same sh*t from person n+1 again.

I did not get cynical, but I think for a while I am out of the game because of my own choice. I have this picture what I found of a dancer. Lean body etc. and I said to myself: that is how I want to be,Someone light and easy, going with the flow, not taking anything too hard, being light on life, mastering obstacles and changes, doing what she wants, not poisoning her environment mentally.

Since I know that it is kind of most of our common faith, I probably will have the "house, kid, dog"-combination at some point of my life, but for now I just want to chill and feel good and that is enough for me. I am not angry/jealous any more at people who have this combo and it makes me feel good to see that life has a normal path for so many others. But for me I really feel that it is the time to learn more about myself and life and I am "very very sorry" to say so, but to me it is not my time yet to go into competition for the combo above. It might change within weeks or month, but with this post I just wanted to give an insight to the issue that we should not be arrogant and judge each others lives, but we should understand that as cheap it might sound, life is a journey and each of us should buy the ticket for a certain period of time to a destination which helps us to develop the most without stating that there is only one right way to go.

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