#100 days of honesty Day 3: Appreciation

PHOTO AND WRITING BY MONIKA CSAPO

I saw an interesting exercise today on a marriage bootcamp show.  The two therapists introduced the exercise by telling about the concept of a "hot letter". According to the story Abraham Lincoln used to write letters when he was very angry which he never sent later. He wrote those letters when he was hot-headed and writing them helped him to cool down and change his perspective on things.

They continued the introduction with talking about it how resentment is the cancer of relationships. Nothing causes more resentment than the feeling of not being heard..it eats your relationship until it dies. Followingly the couples had to write a hot letter to the other about things they did not like about him.

Before the exercise the therapists divided the couples to two groups: everyone was thinking that it was about who was the alpha or the beta, who was the leader or the follower in the relationships. People in group b even said itoutloud that they thought they were definately the alpha group.

After this the camera switched to group a where the therapist told them that the division and the next exercise was not about alphas or betas. It was about what loosing a person would actually feel like. She told to the group members of group a "Your partners don't always appreciate you. They don't recognize how precious life is and how quickly it all be over just like that. We need to teach them an incredible harsh lesson. And show what loosing you would actually feel like..that"s why tonight you're all going to die." By killing one half of the couple they wanted to show how fragile life really is and how easy it is to take those closest to them for granted.

My "favorite" couple in the exercise was a guy and a woman where the guy refused to read the letter. Everyone was going ahead with the exercise no matter how emotionally overwhelmed they were . One girl let the therapist read the letter for her because she was not capable to do it. The guy said that he feels like an idiot and he does not want to hurt the girl. 

The therapists explained later that all this was about hiding and not being sure if he wants to be in the relationship or not so he actually wanted the letter to end the relationship for him. At the end of the evening a reality judge woman joined in and she had some real good insights to the couples plus she could hand out some punishments.

She decided that the dude had to read his letter. Which was a very mature one, especially since it was written to the "twin sister" of Sienna Miller: " Dear Jeulia, I find it difficult to deal with your hair and makeup when it looks greasy and you have chunks of sh..t in your eyebrows. Despite your diet you are showing signs of weight issues later in life.."

A quote from the same program: "We are always looking to lock down love. It is not neccesairy if it is not the right one. It is better not to be in one than it is to be in the wrong relationship." Word!😆


PS: I have to go and wash my hair.

PS 2: I am so gonna watch this show!