Saturday, March 21, 2015

Farewell to a friend

Seppo- Photo by Monika Csapo

I was hesitating about writing this post, since this blog is a public blog and also those people might have a chance to read this post with whom i would not like to share these feelings with. On the other hand there are people who we are in touch only through this blog and i know that they are good people this is why i decided to be bold and talk about these feelings and memories.

Also I do not believe in forced positivism. I think in order to be healthy in the long run we have to slow down sometimes, and process our sadness and grief too. 

Before I had a pet I could never understand the feelings which connect owners to their pets. But from the moment on I had Seppo everything felt so natural. I saw him as the most beautiful, funny and smart rabbit in the world. It felt good that everyone who saw Seppo shared the same feelings of adoration. It was jut impossible not to love him.

When he was small first he did not dare to leave the cage at all. He was standing there with his feet on the side of the cage and just looked at us. We even built a small card box house for him that he could hide if he would get too intimated by all the lights and the noises. He did have a good appetite though already then and we were always laughing that although he was so tiny, he could eat salad leaves of his size within seconds.

When we broke up with my ex that time it was natural for me that I would like to keep Seppo and continue caring for him. I remember the day when my ex brought Seppo back to the old flat, from that day on the place felt like home again. I had a great flatmate later who we became good friends with, Mel from Mexico. She took care of Seppo when I was on my trips. Later when I moved to a new flat Seppo got also really good "foster parents" for 1,5 months, Cordi and Gabi, who became real good friends with him during the last 1,5 years.

I think we became even better friends with Seppo  when we stayed only the two of us, because I always felt like I have to compensate for the love and attention he is not getting from my ex that time any more. I always had the feeling that i had to play with him and care for him instead of two people now and so we spent more time together, and got more attached to each other.

Since I have been learning photography during the last 2 years I managed to take better pictures of Seppo lately which will be precious memories now. 

Loosing a pet is always painful, but not having had this type of bond in my life would have been even worse. It will take some weeks for sure until the pain goes away and I can be only thankful for all the nice things I experienced thanks to Seppo. Already now I can smile quite often when I see a cute photo of him, or remember a funny memory.

I never had problem with closeness, but experiencing loss has been always very hard for me. Sometimes I think about it that if all those things what we lost would not have even happened, we would not have to experience pain either. Of course this thought is only temporary. Since loss means also that there was something there before. And when the pain of the loss disappears we have all the nice memories left.

It helped a lot recently that so many of my friends reached out to me when they heard the news, and expressed their condolences and told me how much they liked Seppo and what an amazing creature he was. I also found some pet loss grief support pages where people share their memories about their pets they lost and it helped me a lot to see that there are also others going through the same process what i am going through now. 

At the end i would like to share this -at least to me- funny selfie of me and Seppo from last year. We were such a good team, and I will have him always in my heart <3

“I should like to know which is worse: to be ravished a hundred times by pirates, and have a buttock cut off, and run the gauntlet of the Bulgarians, and be flogged and hanged in an auto-da-fe, and be dissected, and have to row in a galley -- in short, to undergo all the miseries we have each of us suffered -- or simply to sit here and do nothing?'

That is a hard question,' said Candide.” 

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