Saturday, October 18, 2014
When facing chasing memories turns out to be good
Recently I started to remember some things again what I wanted to forget, and it was very tiring for me to suppress those memories. I tried not to think of them, but everything got just worse. So I decided to use a different method and instead of trying to escape, I dived straight down in that what I was tired of thinking of.
I looked up photos what I saved on purpose to a folder called Past some year ago, and as I was looking at them the bad feeling disappeared. In a sense it was good to look at them, because it was like filtering dirty water.
For example I found like this also my favourite photo of myself from the Erasmus-times (Kuopio-folder). It was made at a sauna-party in Kuopio. I always like to look at it, because I am so carefree and happy. That that I got invited to that sauna party through a random small talk changed my life to a big extent later.
Some years already passed since then , and many things happened. Some lines which were not there then on my face might be the outside imprints of the challenges I did not imagine to come then.
The picture is not perfect, because of the the pose, the red eyes etc. But it reminds me of the soul-wise one of the best possible versions of myself: carefree and happy.
The circumstances were not ideal then either: I was working and studying at the same time, I was at the end of a long relationship, did not have too much money for Finnish conditions. But I can clearly remember the point when I was sitting once at a party, and decided that now it is enough of just hanging around. I decided to use the chance, to be open, to meet people and have a great time. And so it happened.
It is childish to think that there will be times again when everything will be perfect. Probably this times are over for good for all of us by the age we are six. But there is chance for happiness also in an imperfect world.